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Pope Hilde

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Danny Osborne - Bronze figure of a pregnant naked woman

Statue of Pope Hilde carved to honor her five immaculate pregnancies. Located in Vatican City, this statue is ordinarily covered during daylight hours.

 

Pope Hilde, born Hilde Frances Pope, is a writer and philosopher who worked as a secretary for the Unified Catholic Church. A typographical error caused her to be listed in church records as Pope Hilde. She then became the Catholic Church's first woman pope.

Early lifeEdit

Hilde was raised in an all-girl orphanage overseen by Sister Hooter. This greatly upset her parents. Her favorite pastimes as a young girl were sewing, knitting, writing poetry, and making out.

While still a teenager, she became pregnant. As the students and staff at the orphanage were all female, this was declared to be immaculate conception by Father Fundament during one of his frequent visits. Her son Carl was taken in by Fundament who said "the boy looks just like his father--his heavenly father."

Shamlicht Kids ClubEdit

Main article: Shamlicht Kids Club

Hilde was a founding member of Shamlicht Girls, a club started by Sister Hooter. Captain "Sesame Seed" Rogers had founded the club Shamlicht Boys at about the same time, and the two merged. So did the kids' clubs. The original girls club became the SKC's Pink Vipers Nest, and Hilde later became assistant leader.

While helping with the club, Hilde gave birth immaculately to a daughter named Erisa and a son named Phillip. The girl and boy were taken in by Father Fundament who said "they both look just like their father--their heavenly father."

She later gave birth to triplets, the immaculately-conceived children Eris, Aneris, and Spirituality. Father Fundament did not take in the children as he hastily left town.

JournalismEdit

In 2014, Hilde received a degree in journalism from Miskatonic University. Often when sitting on the pontifical throne, she writes on Church issues for Intermittens Magazine, S23, and the Kerry Thornley Kerista Kommune.

HonorsEdit

She was a founding member of the Order of Shamlicht, and was named to the Order of the Pineapple in 2015. She is recognized as a saint by branches of the Universal Catholic Church.

She has been the Catholic Church's pope since 13 March 2013. Because of church sexism against women, her official name as pope was changed from the feminine Frances to the masculine Francis.

Her official list of titles as Pope, in the order in which they are given in the Anusario Pontificio, is: Bishop of Gnome, Vicar of Yeesuz, Successor of the Price of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Tuva, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Romany Province, Sovereign of Vaticon, Servant of the servants of Odd.

LinksEdit

Pope Hilde's user page

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