The Majestic Honorable Lord Baron Paganus Grimlove aka Paganus Grimlove the Uncanonized.
Paganus Grimlove is known in Discordian circles as Paganus Grimlove the Uncanonized. He was the founder of the Merry Archers of Paganus Grimlove; member of the Order of the Pineapple; and possibly Zeus, co-founder and original guildmaster of the original Ĕk-sĕn-trĭks Cluborguild. He was also a king of Lesser Fnordia.
Personal life[]
Paganus II, son of Paganus I.
Paganus was born a Celt in the 7th century CE. His mother, a Viking, captured his Irish father on a raid, and brought him home as a slave. In time, she fell in love with him and freed him, and together, they became emissaries of their respective cultures. Young Paganus traveled all over the Known World, although he lived primarily in the Kingdom of Caid. Master Nootka and Mistress Gilda were his foster parents in the Kingdom of Atenveldt.
He fathered many children, and has nieces, nephews, and grandchildren scattered far and wide over the Known World, although he primarily resided in the Kingdom of Caid.
Some of his ancestors and descendants are listed below. (For a larger but still partial listing of Paganus' alleged lovers and children, see List of chicks Zeus has banged.)
Early career[]
Paganus is primarily known for allegedly starting the Ĕk-sĕn-trĭks Cluborguild, possessing the holy relic The Duck (no matter how many times people drank from it, it never went dry), and for leading the Merry Archers of Paganus Grimlove.
Paganus founded House Grimlove, was captain of archers for the Barony of Dreiburgen in the Kingdom of Caid, and later seneschal for Dreiburgen's Canton of Gallavally. During a battle with the Kingdom of Lyondemere, Paganus was captured and given a choice of slavery or a position in the Lyondemere military. He close the latter.
He proved himself a champion in not only the crossbow but also in rapier and thrown weapons. But during a battle, he escaped.
Merry Archers[]
Now wanted for treason by both the Kingdom of Lyondmere and Caid, he fled into a forested area of Mt. Santa Juanita in the Kingdom of Caid. According to An Leabhar na Boghdóirí Shona de Paganus MacTíre, Paganus claimed to still be loyal to Caid, and had chosen to join the military of Lyondemere not only to avoid slavery, but to learn the enemy kingdom's military secrets. But as he was under sentence of death, he formed the Merry Archers, later called the Merry Archers of Paganus Grimlove. According to the book, they "loosened maidens from the tight restrictions of their maidenity" and "relieved proper ladies and distinguished gentlemen from the heavy burden of coin and jewel."
While Paganus and his archers were viewed as villains by some, others saw them as heroes who "robbed from the rich and gave to the poor." Among other things, the group "stole" the Order of the Pineapple, a formerly noble order that they began bestowing on well-deserving commoners. It was soon bestowed on Paganus himself.
Lesser Fnordia[]
During the Estrella War, Paganus risked execution by helping Caid defeat its enemies. He famously fired a crossbow bolt through the forehead of King Greyface XIV. So instead of being executed, he was granted the title of Baron of Fno.
He later led a successful battle against the small kingdom of Lesser Rdia, and with permission of the king and king of Caid established the Principalilty of Lesser Fno-Rdia. After it grew, it became the independent Kingdom of Lesser Fnordia. Paganus was its first king. He famously had 695 wives and 235 concubines, almost tying King Solomon.
Historians believe he produced at least 1964 children. Genetic tests performed at Oxbridge University indicated he is an ancestor of 0.5% of the world's population.
Ancestors and Descendants[]
While a complete list is not possible, his ancestors and descendants include:
Ancestors[]
- Zlaxy (ivan zlax), 6th century cultural conspiracy theorist of Ancient Rus'
Descendants[]
- Ariel Lovechildop, 16th century English princess and author
- Eldwin Nightowlop, 16th century English lord, writer, bard, deputy seneschal of Gallavally
- Genghis Khanop, 12th century great khan and founder of the Mongol Empire
- Hildegardop, 20th century and first female pope of the Unified Catholic Church (2013- )
- Omar Khayyam Ravenhurstop, 20th century lord of Fnordia and co-author of Principia Discordia
- Paganus II, 8th century son and second king of Lesser Fnordia
- Paganus V, 13th century king of Lesser Fnordia, initiated the disbanding of the Knighthood of Buh
- Reverend Loveshadeop, 20th century American-British-Yoruban founder of the Ek-sen-trik Discordians and author of Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia
- Robert Anton Wilsonop, 20th century co-author of The Illuminatus! Trilogy, author of Schrödinger's Cat Trilogy
- Robert de Lockeslyop, 13th century lord of York, known for imitating his ancestor as Robin Hood
- Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, 20th century singer named St. JAG by the Mythics of Harmonia and Saint of Gays by Rev. Ouabache
- Timothy Bowen Iop, 13th century pope who disbanded the Knighthood of Buh
- Vargskol Halfbloodop, 11th century Viking-Celt baron, explorer who discovered the continent of Ytarria, and co-author of Ye Knowne Worlde Handboke
- op signifies a member of the Order of the Pineapple
- dates given are in CE except when otherwise noted