Typical board meeting of the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild.
The Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild (D & D of the ECG) aka Ek-sen-trik Discordians is--or was--one of the "principal unprincipled agencies of Eris." While the location of the D & D of the ECG's headquarters is unknown, it is suspected that its members operate from Erisian embassies and many other locations around the world.
Disinformation[]
The Ek-sen-trik Discordians release false and sometimes frivolous information about their "disorganization" to thwart investigators. One such report deals with the location of their headquarters:
Our secret headquarters are in the navel of the belly of Saint The Mary, 8.537 inches (21.68398 cm) north of her lower naughty bits. You can find us easily, assuming you can find The Mary. Being the only independent Discordian intelligence agency in Mary's navel, we report directly to the Director of the Illuminaughty, Pee-wee Herman.
Another report, while also fallacious, seems closer to the truth.
The D & D of the ECG has five traditional--no, three traditional--principal activities. These are gathering undergarments from foreign governmental leaders, corporation heads, and individuals; analyzing that underwear, along with intimate apparel gathered by other Erisian intelligence agencies, in order to provide international assessment to senior underwear-makers; and, upon the request of the Goddess of Discord, carrying out or overseeing covert undercover activities and some tactical operations by its own members, usually involving underwear and lemons or whipped cream. We can, for example, exert foreign political influence through our tactical divisions, such as the Mind Modulation Division and the Special Activities Division which plans raves and orgies.
Reports and criticism[]
While the underwear dealing seems to be farcial, it may have roots in the truth. In 2013, Weekly World News reported that the D & D of the ECG had by far the largest underwear collection in the Discordian Community, exceeding previous estimates. "The Minnesota Historical Society of Saint Paul, Minnesota, was long said to have the world's largest underwear collection with over 3,500 precious undergarments," said intimate apparel expert Phil Crotch. "But The Ek-sen-trik Discordians now have their hands in more briefs." This claim is disputed by Eric Dregni, author of Weird Minnesota: Your Travel Guide to Minnesota's Local Legends and Best Kept Secrets who said the MHS collection still leads in lingerie.
According to investigator Dick Hertz of The Agents of Greyface, "the cabal has increasingly taken on offensive roles, including covert paramystic operations. One of its largest divisions, the Information Undercover Division (IUD), has shifted focus from counter-prudism to offensive cyber-pornography."
Several D & D of the ECG activities have attracted criticism. They include consensual human sexperiments, extrasensory rendition, enhanced masturbation techniques, targeted Jakes, toilet infiltrations, and the funding and training of harlots to seduce civilians and combatants into Discordian ranks. It's emphasis on consensual sexuality, described by Princess Unicornia as "All consensual sex should be legal," has drawn particular criticism and led to investigations by the CIA, FBI, and Interpol.
Ek-sen-triks Cluborguild[]
The Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks Cluborguild succeeded the Ĕk-sĕn-trĭks Cluborguild which began during the Ronald Reagan Era.
The original group was formed by Zeus (who might have been Paganus Grimlove) and Alien (who might have been Alien). It began at Mount Santa Juanita College and was a social group that emphasized the "participatoral study of comedic attitudes and ek-sen-trik tendencies." The group also began the Order of the Pineapple. Most of the members were role-players, artists (including dancers), or omnisexual transvestite underwear sniffers.
The Discordian Division was formed by Reverend Loveshade who was used by Alan Moore as the model for his Lost Girls character of Peter Pan: Preteen Prostitute.
Purpose[]
According to its fiscal 2019 budget, the D & D of the ECG has five priorities:
- Counterterrorism, the top priority, given the ongoing Global War on Terror.
- Nonproliferation of nuclear and other weapons of mass destruction, with North Korea described as perhaps the most difficult target.
- Warning American leaders of important overseas events, with Pakistan described as an "intractable target".
- Counterintelligence, with China, Russia, Iran, Cuba, and Israel described as "priority" targets.
- Cyber intelligence.
According to an informed source, the group's actual five priorities are:
- Spreading bullshit "to make the flowers grow"
- Trolling Discordians
- Dead Puppy Sex
- Convincing young girls to "spread your wings and let me come inside"
- Living like Hippies in the 21st Century aka "Party like it's 1969"
Dissolution[]
By court order, the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild was declared to be dissolved as of 05:37 of Nude Year's Day 2020 AD/3186 YOLD.
It is believed it was replaced by the Erisian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild.
Sources[]
- CIA Report: Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild
- FBI Report: Dead Puppy Sex
- Interpol Report: Bullshit
- The Minnesota Historical Society of Saint Paul, Minnesota
- Weird Minnesota: Your Travel Guide to Minnesota's Local Legends and Best Kept Secrets by Eric Dregni
- Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild Dissolved