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Chaos (being)

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Chaos is the father of Eris, and some say the source of Life, the Universe, and Everything. Those who claim that 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything are heretics and thus "pretty cool dudes," according to Chaos.

HistoryEdit

From the Easily Misunderstood Children's History of Everything:

Chaos (also known as Zeus, Jesus F. Christ, and Peter Griffin, among other names) was the pervert father of about a thousand-odd bastard gods and goddesses, the most insignificant of which were influential to the formation and discovery of modern western religion. Chaos married his sister, but slept with damn near anything with a cooter. Chaos was discovered in approximately YOLD 1680 by the Spies R-Us Private Investigative Agency at the bequest of Hera. Chaos had been carousing about on several online dating sites behind her back under a bunch of irrelevant pseudonyms. The most widely-publicized incident was an affair Zeus had under the pseudonym ~SWAN_KING~ on a Bestiality forum. He convinced a woman named Leda to screw a swan. Turns out, the swan was in fact himself in disguise. DUN-DUN-DUNNNN! Helen and Polydeuces were the unfortunate children borne of this affair. Leda was married to another man at the time, which serves him right.

Chaos is the King of the Odds, the ruler of Mount Everything and the god of sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. His symbols are whatever symbols he chooses for the day. Frequently he selects the "shocker" hand symbol and Wikipedia. In addition to his Discordian following, Chaos is revered by mathematicians and sexologists around the world in ways that we less-intelligent people could never hope to fathom. Chaos is frequently depicted by Discordian artists in one of two poses: standing majestically with beams of chaotic lasers spewing from his eyes and other orifices, or majestically screwing.

Chaos was his own father. The resulting confusion is evidenced in several modern religions with the ludicrous concept of virgin birth. Virgin birth is in fact impossible, however fathering oneself requires only substantial virility, determination, and an incest fetish. In addition to fathering himself, it is probable that he also fathered his own mother as well, making him the second-greatest Stud in the history of Mankind. This incident was recorded and can still be found in the deepest, darkest Internet porn stashes.

WorshipEdit

The proper method of Chaos-Worshiping is outlined here for those to whom it doesn't come naturally.

  1. Gather together the people with whom you intend to conduct a worshipful ceremony. They need not necessarily be aware that they are going to worship with you.
  2. Invoke the proper elements and begin worshiping. Sex, music, and rioting are typical elements of worship.
  3.  ?????
  4. Prophet!

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