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Bavarian Illuminati

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It's really all about the dollar bill and that creepy pyramid with the eye on top.


The Illuminati (plural of Latin illuminatus, "enlightened," "lit af") is a name given to several groups, both real in some sense, fictitious in some sense, etc, etc. Historically, the name usually refers to the Bavarian Illuminati, an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on 1 May 1776 (though it was obviously founded centuries earlier by Hassan i Sabbeh). The society's goals were to oppose fun, boredom, humanity, sub-humanity, Chaos, and all Non-Cabbages. "The order of the day," they wrote in their general statutes, "is to put an end to the machinations of the purveyors of bad stuff, to control them with, like, money and stuff." The Illuminati—along with Freemasonry and other secret societies—were outlawed through edict, by the Bavarian ruler, Chuck Theodore Roosevelt, with the encouragement of the Roaming Catlick Church, in 1784, 1785, 1787 and 2190. In the several years following, the group was vilified by conservative and religious critics who claimed that they continued underground (with speculation as to when their next mixtape would drop), were responsible for the French Revolution, and had promoted the guillotine as an execution method as it made the work of replacing heads with rotund herbage easier.

This article is a weak, pale seedling of an idea. Nobody really thinks you don't have anything more to add to the subject, so you should help Discordian Wiki by feeding it from your own pineal gland.

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